for all of the kids to share. We know that you
want to welcome our new additions, but gifts
can be overwhelming for children who have
had few material possessions. Also, we want
our children to learn to love you for who you
are, not because they hope they’ll get another
gift the next time they see you. Other siblings
may also experience jealousy and resentment
if the new addition suddenly receives an armload of gifts and they are excluded.
Attachment and healing take time
Every child and every family bonds differently, and it may take months or even years
for that attachment to become secure. Many
times we’re “faking it until we make it” but,
one day, we will wake up and realize that
we’re not faking it anymore and that our love
is deep and real.
Though we like to think of adoption as a
“happy ending,” it’s important not to roman-
ticize it. Every adoption is the result of some
degree of difficult circumstances—birth par-
ents may have made difficult decisions, chil-
dren may have faced losses, and many lives
were forever changed. It will take the child
time to heal from this trauma. On the other
hand, that fact that a child was adopted does
not necessarily mean that she will be more
difficult or defiant, less successful, or any-
thing else as a teenager or adult.
Our children had lives before they
joined our family.
They had/have birth families and other relatives who are important to them and who deserve recognition and credit too. They have
had life experiences that may be different
from ours, but are still special and valuable.
Please choose your words and ques-
tions carefully, especially around
Yes, these are all our “real” kids and, in most
situations, you probably do not need to
specify whether you are talking about my
“adopted kids” or my “biological kids.” They