my child can find himself in. If you tell your
kids racism happened a long time ago and
now it’s over and use my family as an example
of how whites and blacks and browns can all
get along together, you are not doing me any
favors. Just because you haven’t seen obvious
examples of racism in your own life doesn’t
mean it doesn’t exist.
It is easy to think we live in a colorblind society when you don’t know that two weeks ago
I was on the phone with the principal at my
son’s school to discuss the racial insults he was
regularly receiving from the student sitting
next to him. I was thankful for how seriously
the school handled that incident and we consider it a huge victory that my son felt safe telling his parents and teacher how he was being
teased since many kids don’t. It is easy to think
we live in a post racial society when you don’t
know that a neighbor of mine called the Child
Protective Services hotline to complain about
my kids behaving in the exact same ways as
the 10 other white neighbor children they regularly play with (playing in the “street”—we
live on a cul-de-sac—, playing in our front
yard without shoes, asking for snacks from
the neighbor parents—these are the actual
complaints that were made). I don’t want to
begin to tell you the trauma it is to former
foster kids when a social worker shows up at
your house to interview them and I’m afraid I
haven’t yet forgiven our neighbor for bringing
that on our family (although it was quickly
determined to be a ridiculous complaint and
there was no further action taken). The thing
is, I doubt that neighbor even thinks of himself as racist, but the fact that when the white
kids of the neighborhood do it it’s “kids being
kids,” but when the kids of color are involved
it’s got to be addressed by authorities shows
the underlying bias of his assumptions. This
isn’t “concern,” this is harassment.
So, white parents, please talk to your kids
about racism. If they see my son being bul-
lied or called racist names, they need to stand
with him. They need to understand how
threatening that is and not just something to
be laughed off. If your child is with my child
playing soccer at the park and the police
drive by, tell your child to stay. Just stay right
there with my son. Be a witness. In that situ-
ation, be extra polite, extra respectful. Don’t
run and don’t leave my son by himself. If you
are with my son, this is not the time to try out
any new risky behaviors. Whatever trouble
you get into, he will likely not be judged by
the same standard you are. Be understanding
that he can’t make the same mistakes you can.
White parents, treat my son with respect.
Don’t rub his head because you want to know
what his hair feels like. Don’t speak “black
slang” to him because you think it would be
funny. If you’re thinking about making a joke
that you feel might be slightly questionable,
just don’t do it. Ever. Your kids are listening
and learning from you even in the jokes you
tell. Be conscious of what media messages
your kids are getting about race. Engage in
tough conversations about what you’re hear-
ing in the news. Don’t shy away from this just
because you can. He can’t. We can’t.
Be an advocate for this beautiful soul who
has eaten at your kitchen table, sat next to your
son at church, been at your child’s birthday
party. He is not the exception to the rule. He
is not protected by my white privilege for the
rest of his life. He is not inherently different
from any other little black boy and ALL their
lives have value and worth and were created
by God. I have hope that when white parents
start talking about these issues with our white
kids, maybe that’s where change starts.
MARALEE BRADLEY is the mother of six children
through birth and adoption. This article originally appeared on her blog, amusingmaralee.com, and was
reprinted with permission.
WINTER 2016 17
Be an advocate for this beautiful soul who
has eaten at your kitchen table, been at
your child’s birthday party. He is not the
exception to the rule. He is not protected by
my white privilege for the rest of his life.
